Fight and Flight encourages Aggressive Behavior
In this chapter, we return to the interpersonal level - building upon the insights of Chapters 19 -> 21. In those chapters we examined the consequences of two different types of communication, violent and compassionate. Both forms of communication attempt to modify the behavior of the Listener.
Complete Yielding encourages abusive behavior
Intimidation, one of the primary tools of violent communication, is connected with the Abuser/Victim cycle. It's effectiveness is based upon the threat of Pain, whether physical or emotional. The Abuser intimidates the Victim through dominating behavior to 'persuade' them to comply. Each time this occurs successfully, the behavior of Abuser is encouraged. In our case, R was attempting to intimidate L with his behavior so that she would comply with his wishes. In other words, she wouldn’t make him move his trailer. However, complete yielding only encourages these aggressive patterns.
Losing a force to force battle encourages abusive behavior
If the Victim attempts to fight the Abuser’s force with force and is unsuccessful, then this encourages the Abuser even more. In our case, L attempted to stand up to R verbally - with the authority of the landlord behind her - fighting ‘force with force’. However, this approach infuriated R. He just got madder and behaved more threateningly. L, afraid for her physical security, retreated for the time being. R, pleased that his strategy of intimidation was successful, left his trailer in the driveway - more entrenched than ever. Fighting force with force unsuccessfully also encourages the aggressive behavior.
Can’t yield - can’t fight. What then?
Neutralize and Return most effective at harmonizing Violence
Instead of meeting force with force - if the Victim neutralizes the incoming forces - and then returns it to the Abuser, the aggressive behavior of the Abuser will be neutralized rather than encouraged. This leads to harmony and balance, which is good for all humans and the ecology of the planet too.
As an example: When D finally realized the necessity of action - rather than benign neglect - he neutralized R’s aggressive threatening advances by writing him letters expressing compassion for his position and appreciation for his contributions to the household. Then he returned R’s energy by asking what he would do if he was in D & L’s position.
In this case, aggressively calling in the Law to settle their dispute would have been ‘fighting force with force’. This is an unsuccessful way of establishing Balance in the World. D did eventually resort to the Law but with R’s foreknowledge and consent. D and R talked and talked to make sure that R understood that calling in law was an automatic response and was in no ways Personal. D let R’s force use itself up before he attempted to redirect it.
Just balance the violent force don’t exceed it
To release the tension of the Human World and restore Balance, we suggest that it is best to only use the Abuser’s force against them - Nothing more, nothing less - Tit for tat - One only wants to stop the swing, not move it in the opposite direction. Responding with Police, Law and Authority would have only made R bitter and vengeful. It would in no way have dispelled his Anger that was disturbing the Force.
Neutralize and Return has to do with Compassionate Communication
What does this mean - to neutralize the incoming force and then redirect it at our opponent?
In terms of communication it has to do with responding sensitively with compassion rather than with the intent to defeat, destroy or dominate our opponent. Instead of fighting the angry energy, which only encourages the emotional drama, we would like to transform the angry energy into a peaceful force.
In L’s case she might have said: “I understand that you R are in a difficult situation, because you have no place to store your trailer.” This statement might have neutralized R’s resistance - because it would have indicated that she understood where he was coming from.
To return his force is a little more difficult because it has to with questioning underlying assumptions. Perhaps an expression of feelings and a simple reversal is best.
“I’m feeling trapped and threatened. I feel that everything I say infuriates you. What would you do in my circumstance?”
Biological Roots of Right and Wrong Behaviors in terms of the Force
Neutralizing Anger thru compassion and questioning assumptions is the best way to restore Balance to the Force; it is not the common way that people communicate. In fact most engage in the ‘wrong’ behavior, which encourages Anger and Disturbs the Force, rather than the ‘right’ behavior, which harmonizes the Force by discouraging violent behavior.
Amygdala’s fight or flight response inappropriate 99% of the time
The ‘wrong’ response to abusive, violent, angry, or intimidating behavior is based around the fight/flight response. The ‘right’ response has to do with compassion and understanding, i.e. questioning assumptions. The ‘wrong’ response is rooted in the automatic response of the Amygdala’s immediate reaction center for survival. The Amygdala perceives a threat through facial grimace, bodily stance, hand gestures, or verbal intonation or content. The response is instant - engaging the bodily systems to fight or flight. This inhibits the Brain’s ability to reason - putting it in automatic mode - ready to fight or run. The Amygdala's automatic and instant response mechanism is important when one is suddenly attacked or one must respond to an emergency. However the rest of the time, over 99% of situations, this instant response is inappropriate. We already saw that fighting or complete yielding only encourages violent behavior rather than neutralizing, harmonizing or transforming it.
Prefrontal Cortex neutralizes response of Amygdala
Ideally we would like to respond ‘naturally’ to most situations, rather than be aroused by our Amygdala to fight or run. In this case we could attempt to understand the situation and respond rationally rather than react to it. To neutralize the response of the Amygdala it is necessary to exercise the Prefrontal Cortex, which is the center for evaluating the significance of the threat. If the Prefrontal Cortex deems a threat insignificant, the response of the Amygdala is shut down. Therefore the perception of threat needs to be examined carefully. Then the Amygdala's instant response is employed when necessary, rather than firing whenever anything unexpected happens. Many of R’s problems could have been solved if his Amygdala had been neutralized.
Too late if Amygdala is activated
The sensory input from the eyes and ears, especially, goes to the Thalamus, which routs the information to the Amygdala and the Sensory Cortex. If the information triggers a fear center in the Amygdala, then it is activated. The Sensory Cortex's function is to evaluate the incoming sensory signals. Accordingly. the response time is much slower than the Amygdala's. If the Sensory Cortex deems that the threat is insignificant, then it sends a message to the Prefrontal Cortex to shut down the response of the Amygdala. Yet, once sensory input has activated the Amygdala's fear centers it is too late to completely shut down the process. The Sensory and Prefrontal Cortex can only perform damage control. The forest fire has started and must be put out or allowed to burn itself out.
Fear centers of Amygdala must be consciously deprogrammed to avoid victimization
The fear centers of the Amygdala are created and can also be deprogrammed. To deprogram the Amygdala we must examine her Fears carefully, rather than sloughing them off as irrational. One needs to engage the Cortex complex to carefully examine situations that unnecessarily engage the Amygdala. Fear is connected with the hormonal response of the Amygdala. Although both Neurotic behavior and free-floating Anxiety originate in a different part of the Brain, long term unaddressed fears can lead to these responses to life. Unexamined fears that have been conditioned, consciously and unconsciously, through social conditioning, based upon cultural assumptions, are triggers for the Amygdala. It is mandatory to defuse these triggers consciously to avoid being their victim.
Fears don’t go away on their own
These fears don’t just go away on their own, but instead appear suddenly and without warning to ruin the party. Further once they show up it is much harder to get them to leave. For they have polluted the Body with chemicals that it needs to get rid of. Thus every time the Amygdala fires it is imperative that one exercises the human ability to Self Reflect in order to discover the roots of one’s own personal fears. Deconstructing fears breaks the chains of victimization. This new found freedom empowers one to become a Master of one’s Destiny rather than a Victim of Fate.
Difficult to Self Reflect after Amygdala has been activated
It is easy to know when the Amygdala has been activated. Internally, hormones have been excreted, which tell the Body to send all blood to the extremities. To this end: breathing becomes quicker and shallower, the heart rate increases, the body begins perspiring - the ‘smell of fear’, and the appetite is diminished. One becomes short of breath and acutely sensitive to the external reality. One’s ability to reason is diminished because one is put into automatic response mode. In short, one’s focus shifts from the internal to the external world. The ability to self reflect is lost almost immediately, because this is too slow. Consequently, it is in the best interests of the Establishment to keep the Population in a state of Fear so that they respond mindlessly like automatons, rather than mindfully with understanding and compassion.
Important to use Self Reflection to deconstruct fear centers of Amygdala
This is the biological reason why it is important, even imperative, to practice Self Reflection in order to delve into the roots of one’s fear - the underlying assumptions they are founded on - in order to neutralize the power of the Amygdala in automating one’s responses - which turns one into a Victim of Life rather than an active participant.
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